


Drifting Further Away

by blueitalianpeace



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 11:33:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30004230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueitalianpeace/pseuds/blueitalianpeace
Summary: There was so much attached to one kiss that it will end up lost in the sand as the castle that was never finished, but they were glad to have found the perfect spot to build it. They learned so much from it, they grew with the waves that drowned it and she will be continuing to grow for him. She owed him at least that one thing.
Relationships: Andrew DeLuca/Meredith Grey
Comments: 8
Kudos: 20





	Drifting Further Away

**Author's Note:**

> The missing bits of the beach scenes they will never give us.
> 
> Btw, I'm heartbroken and very mad right now so this is not my cleanest work, but we all deserved better. Andrew DeLuca deserved better. Giacomo Gianniotti deserved better.
> 
> Also, I'm a non-English speaker so the verbatim could be a little bit off, but I tried my best.

It's irrational how people always associate the ocean with life at the same time they use it to describe chaos; however, at the end of the day, not everything has to made sense. Why starring at water feels like an exchange with the sea? It doesn't matter as long as it gives more than it takes.

Sensing someone else's presence, Meredith tore her eyes apart from her usual view only to find Andrew DeLuca doing the same thing as her just a few seconds ago. "Hey!"

_How are you supposed to greet people at tropical limbo?_

"Hey yourself" At this point, she was used to seeing people come and go, but she never expected him to appear. She blamed the physical and emotional distance they had been putting between them. Perhaps she was getting around the idea of him not playing such an important role in her life anymore.

He unexpectedly, bend to the ground to pick a stone and then in a challenging manner, throw it with playfulness to the sea. The stone ricocheted a few times before sinking in extremely far away from the shore. "Impressive." She said, there wasn't tension between them, but it was overwhelming the necessity of making him feel comfortable even if it meant a little inflation of his ego.

"Your turn." He placed his hands on his pockets trying to appear more relaxed. "Let's see what you got." She mirrored his movement; however, her stone didn't go very far. "There you go, you just gotta put a little more muscle to it." They laughed not because something was funny or mocking her first attempt. They laughed because for the first time in a while, they were breathing on their own.

"Yeah" With every little action, they were getting closer together while letting their eyes seek for their match just for brief seconds. "You know, this is the first time in my life that I can remember not feeling competitive." They were facing each other appreciating their pure smiles. You would never expect that kind of comment from Meredith Grey, nevertheless, the sand on her feet remembered her she didn't have to put on a strong façade in this place. She was just there to wait for the next big thing, so what was _he_ doing here?

"Is this your life?"

"What?" She didn't understand what he was referring to other than the obvious, this wasn't her life, just a moment in it, _a pause_. Not wanting to give it too much meaning, she bent over to the ground for another rock.

"Well, you said it's the first time in your life, but I don't know, I'm not so sure." She admired his face, the lost look on it and then, it hit her. He wasn't passing by to have a conversation, and of course, he wasn't seeing hello, he was in the same situation as her. "Are we alive?"

"I think so." She threw the rock as she threw her comment in the same symbolic way of her not knowing where it was going to end.

Andrew took a deep breath enjoying the calmness not only around him but inside him too. The fact that it was without medication made it better, being by her side made it the best feeling in the world.

"You look good." She knew him like the palm of her hand, his thoughts were easy to read, after seeing him at his worst and best, it was such a fulfilling sensation seeing him so _himself_. "The beach suits you." And of course, he was a very good-looking man.

"You too." And of course, she was a very good-looking woman. He stared at Meredith with the familiar glance he had reserved just for her. "These clothes are definitely not my style." They laugh and giving it a deeper thought, the only times she had seen him without a jacket was because he didn't have any clothes on.

"Apparently everyone who comes here has to wear khakis." She remarked innocently, keeping with the non-forced rhythm of their conversation. Usually, when you are in a relationship, you want to keep the dialogue alive, the easiness is what makes the difference and with them, it was always there. They were nothing for each other at the moment, but the bond never faded away and it'll never will.

"I'd do anything for you, so this is not really a problem." He was feeling bold and took a few steps closer to her. Being face to face to her allowed him to value the few times she forgot about her pain it vanished from her eyes for a couple of seconds. Right now, there was no weight on her shoulders, she was her true self. It amazed him how driven he was feeling to her, he wanted to touch her, to kiss her, but he knew he didn't have the right anymore, not even in paradise.

"Andrew…" She allowed her voice to fade away a little bit. It was not that she didn't have the energy for this, she didn't want to disrupt the calm because she knew where this was going and it felt wrong. However, she needed it _so bad_.

The energy around them was getting too strong and their mouths were getting too close, and surprisingly, he was the one who pulled away, going a few steps back while throwing his arm to the air. "What went wrong with us?" She wasn't expecting that question, nonetheless, their physical future was very uncertain, it was reasonable he wanted to fix his unfinished business. She just wasn't expecting to be his, the same way Derek is for her.

"Nothing," They had the ingredients for a long-lasting relationship, and she was well aware of that. He always faced the problems and never ran away; she had never been with someone who didn't treat her as a work in progress. He always made her feel like she was whole on her own and remember her that he was just there to make her happy. He never pushed or asked for more, he took his time on her. "but you needed to figure it out things alone and I was… _just on the way_." She placed her hands in her pockets being ashamed for not being of much help when he needed to.

"That's not true." His answer came quickly, the same way his steps were towards her. He took her arms to reach for her hands, intertwined them together to reassure her.

"You don't have to lie." She played with the movements of their hands not wanting to carry the weight of being close to their chests and feel nothing there.

"I'm not, without you I would probably end up here much sooner." There was only truth in that comment, but it didn't ease her guilt. She could have done so much more for him, nonetheless, it was getting emotionally dangerous for her to be so close to him, and she was grateful to him for pushing her away before she drowned in his mental lagoon. "Come on." He let go of one of her hands and with the other, he guided her through the shore in a quiet walk.

They didn't walk for much before a thought popped up on her mind, "I thought Cece would be making a stop here before you."

He chuckled. "Colvin?" He turned his head to her loving the randomness of her remark, he also stroked his thumb against her knuckles to let her know it was fine.

"Yeah," She used a playful tone letting the bliss of the moment guide her. "she liked you, _a lot_." She could remember all those times the matchmaker pushed her to go out with people only to end up reassuring her DeLuca already had her attention. "She said she will haunt me for the rest of my life if I didn't open myself."

"So, I saved you?" His chest raised at the same time his ego did.

"Yes, you did." They wanted to laugh but there was so much in those three words. Their guilt, their love, their essence, everything linked to some words that weren't necessarily _I love you_. Suddenly the tension grew more overwhelming, and they let go of each other's hands. If only they had this conversation before…

It was too late; she could almost touch the lost, but he seemed indifferent to it. She preferred to think it was a good thing, he didn't deserve the tide catching up to him. It was cruel for her to wish he hadn't done whatever he did to get here because she would never want him to be less him. He was way too precious on his own.

"I don't regret it." As if he was reading his thoughts.

"How do you know I was wondering that?" The knowledge goes both ways as much as it weighted to admit it. Why not even in her soul she could be free of doubt? Ignorance has been her biggest flaw.

"I don't know, I just did." _Because when you have a story with someone, they become the most fascinating tale._ "I don't regret it. We walked through our lives and we witness atrocities, we see homeless people on the street asking for help and just walk right past them." He gestured his hand the nostalgia of how many times he did nothing. "We see people that can't pay for medicine for their children, we see people beating their kids and we're just 'Oh! That's none of our business. We see atrocities on the news every day." She was listening in complete awe of how much growth he has done even without her to hold him when the reality became too much.

"Crimes and cruelty committed by our government, paid for, nonetheless by our own tax dollars, and what do we do? We just change the channel, right? We just, we tuned it out, and we go back to work and we pretend like what we just saw or an article we just read is somehow… normal? Or acceptable? The people who take to the streets screaming out for change are written off as crazy, are written off as extreme. It doesn't make any sense. It makes no sense." Wise was the person who said being a true believer was the real curse, wiser are the ones who keep pushing and keep trying for those who already gave up on humanity. He had a golden heart that Meredith hated because, at the end of the endless sunset, it brought him here.

"But what you did Meredith… risking your medical license to save that little girl, that made sense," _That made me who I am._ "and what I did, following that woman not letting up, not letting her get away, not letting her harm another single human being." He took a deep breath. He suffered because of that woman, his pain was not even near to what the girls felt being captive, but in a way, she trapped him in a manic box that it took all in him to get out. "Yeah, it was dangerous, but it made sense, it's always going to make sense." He was ready to be as they were right now, walking with his head high for eternity. "So, I don't regret it."

"Well, I do." She stopped walking and waited for him to turn around. She was mad, _so mad_. At the universe, at whatever it was keeping them on that beach, at him for being so selfless, at god? At everyone who had a said in who lives, who dies, and who tells the story.

"Mer…"

"You were supposed to be my second chance, _you_ , just you." Her anger was more present in her words, it was getting harder to what she guessed was breathe. "I found the love of my life and lost it; I can't lose you too." The sky was getting darker, and the calm faded away from her, and it was getting feed just by seeing him still so collected.

"Seeing in you in that bed was already doing what the blade did, I know the feeling and not just that feeling." His eyes were suddenly driven to the floor not wanting to see how hurt she was. This was supposed to be a happy place. "The feeling of waking up in the morning and thinking 'Again? I have to go through this again?', it's awful."

"You think that I don't know it?" She was screaming, feeling as she was violating the rules of the mighty beach, but she couldn't care less. She never gave up on him before and she never will. "Everybody dies, everybody leaves me! You were supposed to be different." Her voice almost disappeared with her last sentence. She had so much faith in them.

He was almost brought to his knees with all of the emotions that flowed through his body at full speed, he couldn't do it this way, but as they were losing time-fighting, he was losing _something_ inside him. He couldn't say anything else, he just walked to a point where the sand and water meet and fell to the ground.

Meredith needed a few seconds to calm herself to be able to return to her usual limbo mood. They were given a mistic chance to talk and they were wasting it on fighting. They were way better than that. She turned to look at him and a grin covered her face when she saw he was making a sandcastle.

There she was, back at the start of life and chaos, but this time around he was there to adorn the view with his glow. She has been here more time than him, why couldn't she take his place? It was the same reason she couldn't get closer to Derek? So many questions she wasn't even sure she will remember when she gets out of there. She hoped to remember this, even if she only thinks it was a dream, she needed to remember this. She was tormented with possibilities but refused to waste another second, so she got closer to him.

In the blink of an eye, the water got crazy and irrational. All she could think was how hard he worked to build something for himself and he will never get to finish it. "The tide is coming in!"

"I know." He was rapidly assembling and molding the sand with his hands. Meredith admired him doing such useless action, but she knew that he was trying. She will always be glad he tried.

"It's gonna wash it away."

"I know, I'm trying to beat it." _Try harder_.

"You trying to beat the tide?" She was not sure what was happening, why he was talking in that strange childish way while she worried for the imminent wave.

"Yeah, I had more to do, I had plans. I wanted to do another tower over here and a, uhm, a bridge with a moat. The tide is coming in too fast." The realization hit her; it was too late. "Come on, it's too fast, I had plans." He was trying so hard to finish that castle, she wanted to help him, but this time, he was the only one who could help himself, but the force was too strong, so the tide came. They ran from him, however, the castle wasn't strong enough to take it, it was an unfinished project and it will always stay that way. "Come on, you can't build a sandcastle without a moat." They watched the tide take away his construction, she was covering her eyes from the sun, but it became the least of her problems when he decided to finally take it in. "I don't know what happens from here, Meredith."

"Me either." The anger and doubt went back to the sea with the castle and finally, they were doing it the right way.

"But no matter what happens, I want you to know that… I never felt seen the way you saw me." She wasn't ready, but she let him talk because at least this time around, she got this. "I never felt inspired the way you inspired me. You made me want to be not just my best self but better." _For my sister, for my coworkers, for your children,_ _for you_. "And yeah, I, feel small around you sometimes, I felt insecure." She gasped at the confession already being aware of that, but it was odd to listen to someone admit they were wrong and without knowing, some of the guilty were dragged with the waves. "I wanted something from you that I needed to give to myself, but here, now, in this beach with you, I… _I get it._ Not I just get it, I feel it, I get who I am, I know my own soul, my strength." _The journey has ended_.

_But I'm not ready._ "Do you want to take a walk?" It felt fitting to ask instead of forcing him to follow her, he deserved one small decision to be his. "We can watch the sunset from the dock." _Your sunset_.

"In a minute." He filled his body with euphoria, the art of letting go. "I just wanna feel this first. I just wanna to hold on to this a little longer." _To you_.

Her body couldn't take it anymore, she closed the distance between and without warning, she kissed him. It was not what it was supposed to be, more than the real meaning, it was a thank you. "You remember me who I was and showed me all that I could be." She rested their foreheads together imagining he was taking his last breaths next to her.

"You, Mer, please, don't stop, it'll never be your moment." He pulled away from her arms tearing her heart into even more pieces. "I'm sorry for all the pain that I caused you and the pain that will come." A tear slid down her face. It was a little bit too melodramatic how quickly he whipped out his finger caressing her cheek before allowing their lips to meet for one last time. Their connection was different, they both knew he wasn't her endgame, but that didn't mean she wasn't his.

There was so much attached to one kiss that it will end up lost in the sand as the castle that was never finished, but they were glad to have found the perfect spot to build it. They learned so much from it, they grew with the waves that drowned it and she will be continuing to grow for him. She owed him at least that one thing.

"Come on, it's time." She shook her head in denial, her face expressed anger, her heart was crying, her mind was begging, but the feet betrayed and start walking in acceptance. She clung to his arm in their way to dock, wanting to hold on for as much as possible. She was holding his hand with both of her the same way she did it when it all started. It wasn't a full-circle moment, he was too young, but he needed a peaceful ending.

She took a deep breath before sitting to his side, this time leaving some space between them trying to get used to having far away.

" _Andrea!"_

A strong Italian female voice overpowered the sound of the waves making them turn their heads to the source. "Mom?" She was very far away just like Derek did when she failed to go, however, she knew he wouldn't fall. He has been drifting further away all day to stop now.

" _Andrea!_ "

On the mortal world his body was already shutting down, but for some reason, he wasn't going and Meredith realized she was holding him back. "I'll miss you." The goodbye started simple, but it was so heavy that his head turned to her side. "If I go back and you don't, I'll miss you."

_If I lose my license and I can't cut, but you can, we won't make it._

Now, it was a full-circle moment.

"You will be okay, Meredith" He couldn't resist the need of grabbing her chin, of touching her before going. "You will, it will be okay." She could bring herself to say that it wasn't, instead, she allowed herself to be happy for him. He got so close to the edge many times, and somehow still managed to leave with a smile on his face. He wasn't torn anymore.

" _Andrea!_ "

"I have to go." His body gave up fighting and his soul was aching to disappear into the sun.

"Okay." And she would never stop him from going with his head high.

As Andrew ran, Meredith felt a part of her soul going with him, but she was still happy. Nothing will ever top the sensation of seeing him embrace the wonderful woman who turned him into the man she loved. The last time she watched her life take his last breath, and this time she watched her soul breathing for the first time. Waking up without him waiting for her will be hard, but if being on this beach has taught her something it's she will see him again and for eternity she will be saying _thank you_ to the one who retaught her how to live.

_Time of death... 22:50_

**Author's Note:**

> As I said, I did this so quickly and overwhelmed with emotions so it may have some errors, and I usually like to take my time writing a story, but I'm so mad. HE WAS STARTING TO GET RECOGNITION AND A HEALTHY LIFE. I refuse to watch when someone tells Meredith or maybe she will wake up already knowing.
> 
> Also, I changed the title so many times, locked out of heaven, angels like you, waves, I thought a hundred different titles before picking this one. If you have been watching Grey's for a while, you may recognize the song from the scene when Meredith says she doesn't even know herself and some people consider it a merder song and I respect that, but I always thought this song was more attached to Meredith than to the relationship the same say I think Andrew affected Mer, more in the human side than the romantic.
> 
> What else I can say? Oh yes, I reactivated my old Twitter account and now you can find me as marvelousagatha there and as marvelousmelodrama on Instagram where I hope I can post the merluca edit I had been working on as a goodbye to my favorite character and couple from the show.
> 
> This will not be the last thing you will see of me, I still owe you a lot of one-shots, but as I said, I like to take my time.


End file.
